i can't stop listening to the song "Wish You Were Here" by Incubus. everytime i hear it, all i think about is me wishing my dad were here. the song makes me really sad.

i remember i listened to this song on my 18th birthday in Disney. we were coming home, and on the bus ride, no one wanted to sit with me. on my fucking birthday. i ended up tearing up. definitely the worst birthday ever

loneliness and despair

i really hope my 19th birthday is better...

sometimes i feel like no matter what i do, it's just not good enough to my family. i'm doing such good work in school. i'm burning myself out for those good grades. and yet, it's not enough. fuck my family

god, i feel so alone sometimes. my family really sucks

my dad is fucking dead. my mom is off in her own little world, and she's really unstable. i hate being around her a lot of the time. my grandma criticizes me a lot. the only one in my family that really gets me is my sister. i love you barbs!

your hands intertwined with mine feel so perfect....just right. i love you ECI <3

when i have kids someday, i want them to have easy lives. because god knows that my life has been filled with struggles and unhappiness. i want to give them everything i could never have

i have way too many responsibilities for an 18 year old. my life is really hard to handle sometimes

A Letter to my Dad

Dear Dad,
it's almost been a year and a half since you passed away, yet it feels like it was just yesterday. i still can't get over the fact that you're gone, and maybe i never will. you left so suddenly, and i never got the chance to say goodbye. there's so much that i wanna tell you. i wish you were here right now. there's so much i wanted to do with you. and now i fucking can't. i wish i had spent more time with you. i feel so guilty that i was off doing my own thing and was off in my own little world so wrapped up on my own life. i never really appreciated the time i spent with you while you were alive. and i've been feeling guilty. so god damn guilty. i just want to make you proud of me. i'm trying to hard but i'm struggling so much. everyday it's the same shit. i feel like you set such high expectations for me, and i can't live up to them. i just need you here right now to tell me that everything will be ok. it's not fair that you had to leave. i'm trying to hard to be happy and to live my own life, but it's so difficult. i may tell everyone that i'm fine, but it's just a facade. some things make me happy, but i feel like i'm drowning sometimes. now i'm sitting here, crying, wishing i could see you. i even miss the little things. like how you would fall asleep on the couch while watching tv, your hand resting inside your collared shirt, or even you telling me family stories and always repeating them. it made me so mad at the time, but now i miss them. i even miss you yelling at me for failing to do something. it was you who pushed me to be the overachiever i am today. i fucking miss you more than anything, big guy.

love always,
your son, Mike