But, I believe in you so much  I could die for the words that you say
But, I believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

today i was finishing up my financial aid requirements for conn, and it asked me to list all the other properties i owned....

and suddenly it hit me that i have so many more privileges than others have. i guess i never realized how comfortably middle class i am

It's the same outside
Driving to the riverside
I pretend to cry
Even if I cried alone

I forgot the start
Use my hands to use my heart
Even if I died alone
Even if I died alone

i was petting my dog earlier, and i noticed how sick he was. all the bumps on his back, his sides. he's thin, going blind and can hardly stand

i can't help but cry everytime i see him. such a fragile, gentle animal. slowly dying before my very eyes. i want to spend more time with him.

i guess he reminds me of my dad. dying of physical affliction

i can't stand it. it breaks my heart

does he remember my dad? even though my dad didn't much care for him. what's going to happen when he dies?

i have so few physical things to remind me of my dad.

http://soundcloud.com/ofwgkta-official/chum

It's probably been twelve years since my father left, left me fatherless
And I just used to say I hate him in dishonest jest
When honestly I miss this nigga, like when I was six
And every time I got the chance to say it I would swallow it

Get up off the pavement brush the dirt up off my psyche
Psyche, psyche 

i don't know how to fucking do anything for myself. all my life, everyone has done everything for me. all i know is how to work hard. to escape everything, if i bury my head deep enough into the huge pile of work

now i'm sitting here, oscillating between furiously smashing the keys on my keyboard and sobbing my eyes out on my bed

lying there, a mountain of tissues next to me, my eyes hurting so much from the bitter tears i weep. fetal position. a familiar sight for Mike...

how the fuck do i always end up here? it's pathetic. and now i'm bitching about my shit when i should be thankful for everything i have, yet sometimes i'm consumed with tunnel vision. a never-ending uneasiness that shakes me to the bone. my heart pounding in my chest. can't focus, can't move, can't be autonomous.

god damn.

why didn't my father prepare me more for the real world? 

or maybe he did, and i was too fucking ignorant to pay any attention. stuck in my own little shallow world