I finally fulfilled my dream of moving out to Colorado! I moved into Boulder last week. I guess I had really high expectations of how things would be  - classic. I just guess I felt like Colorado would instantly solve my problems or something, but that's obviously not the case. I just guess I imagined things differently. Boulder can be a hectic place, where everyone drives such nice cars, kind of like my hometown, but different in so many ways. I came out here to be more spiritual, to connect with nature, and find myself more. Who am I? What makes me tick? I guess this year will be a valuable learning experience in self-discovery. I'm looking forward to making new friendships, and fostering old relationships as well. I'm definitely still home-sick though. I miss my dogs and my family - my home and my room. But I need to be appreciative of everything I do have, because this is definitely something I've always wanted for many years now, and I think it'll be a valuable experience! I'll learn how to be more independent, as well. It'll be a great opportunity to grow and change as a person.

I just wish that my dad were here with me to experience Colorado. He would have loved it out here. He loved exploring and experiencing new places. He would be so proud of me. I just wish he were physically here to experience this with me, but I always carry him on my back with me. It's hard to believe that this October will be 5 years since he passed away. 5 years. Half a decade. I just wish he were here so badly. I miss him so much. He would have loved the beautiful drive into Estes Park, the beautiful Flatiron mountains, the small towns in northern Colorado, the school I'll be working in. I just hope that he's proud of the man I am today. He was always so supportive, nurturing and on top of everything - he always knew where to go on vacations, and always had everything planned out. He knew everything he was doing at all times. He's my hero, my role model. I just wish one day that I'll be half the man that he was. Sure he had his flaws, but to me, he was superman. He and I didn't always see eye to eye, and he always had such high expectations, but he was the best dad I could ever ask for

Now that it's after Halloween, I have set up my Christmas tree in my room and have Christmas music on blast daily. This is my favorite time of the year, because Thanksgiving and Christmas and Hanukkah are right around the corner - they are a chance to spend time with family and eat great food. The holidays aren't the same since my dad passed away, but I try to make the best of the situation I am dealt with. I appreciate the holidays that much more now, because I really appreciate my family and loved ones. The semester is slowly drawing to a close, and I am doing really well academically. I am trying to take it day by day, and being mindful of my daily actions. I find myself less angry and stressed than ever before. While some things may irk me, like my involvement with one school club, I still try to make the best of everything and try not to let my negativity get me down. I acknowledge the negative thoughts, and know that they are a normal part of everyday life, but I try to change my thinking and try to frame my thoughts in a more positive light.

I have so much work to do between now and Thanksgiving break. My workload is making me feel really anxious and stressed out. I'm trying to take everything day by day, and it helps to map what I need to do even hour by hour. It makes my workload seem less daunting. I also find that leaving sticky notes on my desk for what I have to do this week makes my workload manageable.

I bought my first Christmas tree a few days ago, and I set it up in my room today, next to my giant reindeer that wears a vest that counts down the days until Christmas. I know it's a little early to set them up, but the holidays always make me feel better, and I'm really excited that they're just around the corner. I love being able to spend time with my family and loved ones during the holidays, and curling up in front of the tv, watching a movie while sipping hot chocolate. I also love when it snows. I find it to be really relaxing, just watching the snow drift down.

I'm trying to stay mindful and present during this time of the semester. Although I'm stressed, I find myself to be coping with it better. I have a lot of work to do, but I know that I can get it all done!

This week and next are two of the most stressful weeks of this semester (apart from finals week, of course). Although we're a little more thank halfway through this semester, I'm taking a really important midterm tomorrow and I have a psych test next week. I always get really anxious about taking tests because I never feel as though as I am prepared enough, even though I spend days preparing for them. I just have to learn to let things go, because even as badly as I think I'll do, I usually never end up getting less than a B. Sometimes it's just really hard for me to let things go, but I'm trying to be more optimistic about schoolwork

This semester, I've been much less stressed than normal. My eczema, which would have normally flared up by now, has not inflamed my hands, causing painful cuts. This semester, however, I find myself to be coping with my workload better than normal. Before, I would always be upset by getting anything lower than an A or A-, but this semester, I've been trying to put things in perspective. Even if I get a lower grade than I would like, I am still doing well in all of my classes. I am trying to live in the moment more and trying to enjoy my last year of college. 

When I was home over fall break, I took a walk at the reservoir after some sort of race, and there was chalk writing inscribed on the asphalt. They were inspirational things written to motivate the runners to finish the race, but I found it to motivate me as well. Phrases like "love your body" and "I believe in you!" were scrawled on the pavement in large font. It motivated me to enjoy my surroundings more. Those phrases were inspirational in that they motivated the passerby to notice and appreciate things that they might have previously taken for granted. I know that I take a lot of things for granted, that I normally don't have to worry about. But it's important to take a few minutes out of your day to just be mindful and appreciative of the moment and all that you can be thankful for. For example, I'm thankful for my family, my girlfriend, my friends, my dogs and my good health. I am doing the best I can with what I've been given, and that's all I can do! As my mom always says, "try your best, and forget the rest!"

Last month, I decided to volunteer at the Humane Society once a week nearby my school and it has been a really great experience. I'm a dog walker, so I get to spend two hours on Friday's playing with them in the enclosed areas outside or hiking with them in the woody areas behind their building. I've met a lot of great dogs and cats while at the Humane, but since I'm there only once a week, I always see new faces. Animals get adopted quickly there, and it's really great for the animals, but I've formed bonds with some of the dogs, and it's difficult to see them leave. I already have two great dogs of my own, but I wish I could take my favorite dogs at the Humane home, too! This week, I fell in love with Chancey, a 7 month old boxer mix who, despite his 40 pound frame, thinks he is a lap-dog, and tries to sit on me every chance he could get. It's just really relaxing to be able to spend time outdoors, because I'm usually cooped up at school, with great animals. Animals are a great way to relieve stress and since I can't go home as often as I would like, it allows me a chance to play with some dogs

While home for fall break, I went walking in my hometown's reservoir (there's a paved walking trail through the woods) and already a thin layer of leaves was on the ground and as I stepped on the multicolored leaves, I smiled as I heard the satisfying crunch beneath my feet. I listened to Michigan by Sufjan Stevens, a favorite album of mine to listen to in the fall. Just being outdoors and in one of my favorite places made me feel a sense of purpose and optimism. I really enjoy being in my hometown during the fall, one of my favorite times of the year to spend in my town, and I was felt really thankful for the lifestyle I've been able to live. I've had my own share of difficulties, like fighting with constant depression for at least the past 4-5 years - enveloped with a sense of hopelessness and worthlessness, but I've been trying to manage it by trying the best I can with any given situation (relationships, school, etc.) and trying to ask for emotional help whenever I need it.

It was just really nice to be home and to spend some quality time with my family and dogs. I made a lot of great memories - like going to Northampton, Mass for lunch followed by the Yankee Candle flagship store in Deerfield with my mom and niece. Although they can get on my nerves sometimes, I really appreciate my family being in my life

Below is a link to Sufjan Steven's song Romulus, one of my favorites off his Michigan album:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUwuT6m5roU