how can my cousin be so callous to my uncle? does she remember that when i was her age, my father was slowly dying of cancer?

i guess this makes me mad, because i'm mad at myself. i was exactly how she was when i was 17. not a care in the world. even when he was sick, i was fed up with my dad. i could have been nicer to him. why wasn't i?

why the fuck was i so busy chasing girls in high school? why couldn't i have spent more time with my dad?

my last conversation with him was a short stilted dialogue that lasted all of a minute

i still hurt so bad

today, at dinner, my uncle was talking about his bad stomach and his recent acid reflux and i almost cried because i was reminded of how transient life. it sounds so stupid of me, but it's sad to see him getting older

he reminds me so much of my dad

does he think about him as much as i do?