things haven't been clicking for me recently. i feel lost in a sea of emptiness. i've been a terrible boyfriend, an awful friend, and an awful brother.

i can't get a grip of things around me. i've been feeling more angry than i have ever been before and i have no idea why.

i'm scared. frightened of losing the people i hold dear

keep your head up, above the surface of the water that tries to push me under the endless abyss.

a week from this monday is the 2 year anniversary of my father's death, and the closer the day comes, the more i get unraveled

it's hard to accept that the closest i'll be able to get to my dad for the REST OF MY LIFE is the cold slab of rock that is his tombstone.

i guess i feel bad that i wasn't a pall bearer at his funeral. i was just so crippled with nothingness that i couldn't bring myself to do it