i'm not sure why i always do this

there's always this brick wall preventing me from attaining happiness. each brick is inscribed with all of my insecurities, fears and dislikes built up over the years.
everyone disappoints me, i have such high expectations that can never be met, i wish i were more muscular, why does everyone walk all over me? why can't i stand up for myself?

the mortar that the bricks lay upon is infused with bitterness, hatred and depression

sometimes i wonder how i got to the place where i am today

somedays i'm just so overcome with nothingness that it's hard to function

is god testing me? i know i need to change, but somehow i always end up in the same shitty predicament