I feel like I've grown so much and changed a lot since moving to Colorado, but I still feel like I struggle on a daily basis with my depression and insecurities. I often times feel down, empty and hopeless. I wish my dad were here - I keep telling myself things would be so different if he were alive - that I would be happier, or feel less insecure, but I know that's not the case. I'm definitely in a better place emotionally than even this time last year, but Colorado is definitely testing my resolve and strength. I have setbacks every so often, but I try to pick myself back up again and keep pushing forward. I already feel a change within myself - I feel more comfortable being alone, and being independent, although I just wish I felt more settled here - that I had closer friends and was busier. I know I work a lot, and for long hours, but a part of me keeps thinking I should be doing more (being more active, making more friends, meeting new people, being outdoors more), but I guess I need to stop being so tough on myself - I'm my own biggest critic. I just need to appreciate where I am in my current stage in life I guess. I find it difficult to keep things in perspective sometimes. I know a lot of people have it so much worse than me, but I keep wallowing in my own self pity and bullshit

I just need to appreciate the time of year, the people I'm with, and feel appreciative that it's my favorite time of year. Christmas is right around the corner, and I want to be able to enjoy this beautiful time of year more in such a beautiful state. I couldn't imagine being in Connecticut right now - I'd be at home and probably fucking miserable. Although when I have tough days here, they're really tough, I really appreciate living in Colorado, and I can't see myself living anywhere different for awhile