Losing Control

I was talking to my buddy today about how I'm glad that he's dating a woman that makes him happy and he told me his ex "low-key" raped him. And that got me to thinking about my ex, Luz, and how I guess I didn't realize it until recently, but she low-key raped me when we were together.

She came over one Saturday night when we were together after going out clubbing with her friends. Her roommate (and good friend) brought her home first to get her changed out of her clubbing clothes (I'm sure purposefully, so I couldn't see what Luz was wearing). She showed up at like 2 am, and when I opened my front door, she was standing a few feet away, absolutely reeking of booze and poor choices.

She kissed me and it felt absolutely awful. We went to my room and I was trying to go to bed but she kept pressing me for sex. I didn't want to just because she was drunk and I didn't want to take advantage of her in her state. She kept pushing and pushing and pushing until we finally had sex, but I was fucking miserable the whole time. The booze on her breath made me feel so sick to my fucking stomach.

She low-key raped me.

I felt used for my body, a feeling I've had with a bunch of women I've dated. Used. Abused. Tossed to the curb. Abandoned. Traumatized. Broken. Shattered. Torn to pieces.

I can't believe how deeply she wrecked me. How deeply Maital hurt me. How used I felt with my hookups.