One of four children to a podiatrist and a teacher, my dad was born on April 13th, 1956. He grew up in West Hartford and loved it so much, he never left. He tried going to Tulane law school in New Orleans, but left after his first semester because he was so homesick. He married my mom in 1982, after only being engaged for 3 months. He proposed at a Whalers game. My mom still has the engagement ring, and that will be mine when the time is right.
He married my mom and they had my sister in 1983, because my dad’s mom had cancer and he wanted her to see him get married. He was always a family man. Always true to his word and never unsteady. After my sister was born, he put himself through law school and later owned his own law practice, where my mom worked as his paralegal. He was a self-made man. And while he would stress about money, I always felt a sense of stability growing up. I worked in his law office doing admin things as a kid.
I remember he would always come home late and fall asleep on the couch after dinner, with his hand tucked into his dress shirt. He pushed me to succeed academically and to participate in extra-curriculars. I think he pushed me a little too hard, but I know that he meant well, in retrospect. He was active in our town’s political scene and was always so friendly and talkative with strangers. While that irked me as a kid, I admire that he was so confident and willing to hear other people’s stories. And everyone he talked to was always willing to have a conversation with him. He was charming and witty, gentle and honest. If one word can sum up Howard Haims, it would be honest. He had a strong sense of integrity and morality. He taught me to respect women and led by example, by being a great role model. While I know others’ narratives about their fathers can be complicated, I can genuinely say my dad was great.
He had a passion for sports and traveling. He enjoyed experiences and we went in many vacations in my youth. He and I always went to UConn games, even if I wasn’t always intrigued in basketball as a kid. He was uptight and methodical, always getting stressed, but he always knew how to plan vacations, and he always knew what to do.
He was stoic and strong. I think I only saw him cry two times in his life, once at his dad’s funeral and when he was in treatment for his cancer.
I think the thing that made me sad the most right after he passed was that no one would proofread my essays anymore, like he always did. Or that no one would teach me how to tie a tie (he taught me, but I always forgot). It was the little things about him I missed the most immediately. The little things I always took for granted and only really appreciated after he was gone.
He left an impeccable legacy on anyone and everyone he touched. He was a paragon of strength and honesty, of resilience and morality. He walked the walk while never forgetting his roots. He was humble and caring.
He left a hole in my heart when he left, but I’m so grateful for the time I had with him.
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