strength is only how well you hide the pain

why am i fighting so hard for this life? i'm so tired. i've been struggling with depression since i was 16. i'm so. fucking. tired. i just want to go to sleep and never wake up sometimes. i would embrace death. my life is the most meaningless thing i can think of. idk why anyone likes me...i still don't understand how my girlfriend is still with me. i'm the biggest fucking piece of shit ever. everything i ever do, i fuck it up in some way or another. i don't deserve to have nice things like my friends, family and my girlfriend. part of me is staying alive just to please them, so i can be present in their lives. but i can't do this anymore. school has me stressed out...i remember reading a book senior year in high school titled, Things Fall Apart. it was about the struggle of a yam farmer in an ever changing environment. from reading that book, i have come to realize that things in life do in fact fall apart. nothing ever stays positive...especially in my life. everything feels like it's crumbling around me