today i realized how truly pathetic and worthless my life is. i'm such a fucking disappointment. i always let everyone around me down. if my dad were to see me today, he'd probably hate the person i am. why does anyone like me? i'm a piece of shit. i don't deserve nice things. every single day i wish i were dead and my father were alive. his life had meaning. mine doesn't. i can't handle it anymore. i feel so empty inside. all the time. anxiety rushes over me, and i feel like i'm panicking. if i were to die today, would anyone miss me? i think they'd miss me at first, but then they would move on with their lives. because at the end of the day, people are self centered bastards. my existence would fade into a distant memory. and i'm fucking scared about that. i want to be remembered as that really cool, genuine kid who put the needs of others in front of his own problems, much like my dad. he was always so concerned with how others felt. he neglected his own health, and now he's gone. forever. i fucking miss him. i wish i could trade places with him right now....fuck