Luz broke me, so I absolutely decimated her. Took her down in a blaze of fucking glory.

Maital hurt me a lot, but not as bad as Luz ever could. And for that I broke her. Wrecked her. the way Luz did to me. I cheated on her 4 times. She didn't love me the way I needed her to. Couldn't give me anything I ever needed. Sleepless nights. Every day fights. I couldn't take it anymore. I was a coward. I cheated on her over and over and over and over again. Hoping she could feel the pain I felt when she hurt me. And she did. She was decimated, like I was with Luz. I'm not proud of it, but a part of me feels like they deserved it.

Love is weird. Love is strange. It makes you do fucked up shit. But maybe it wasn't love. If I loved them, then why would I want to hurt them intentionally?

I have a lot of regrets. For not being the man I should have been when it counted. For not taking the high road and getting out of those relationships sooner. I regret hurting them but in the moment it felt so fucking good. It was childish and dumb. I was immature. I still can be sometimes. I was spiteful and vengeful. I just wanted them to hurt half as badly as I was hurting internally. From depression, from not being loved. For being treated like a doormat. For being used and abused and thrown to the fucking gutter. I wanted them to know and feel my pain.

But I guess I just hope they're doing okay nowadays. Not in any romantic sense at all, but just as people. I just hope that they're able to find peace with what I did and that they can find whatever they're looking for.