I just feel like people always put a lot on me. A lot of pressure. A lot of burdens. Everyone thinks I can handle it because I'm perceived as strong, and I can take a lot. But who do I go to for support? It's hard to find people to support me emotionally. What I need and what I'm given are two totally different things. I'm rarely given what I'm needed. I don't feel heard a lot of the time, or given much room to feel needy or dependent on others. I'm often seen as a paragon of strength. But what happens when the cracks come to the surface? What happens when I need to lean on someone else? Most people run. Most people can't handle it. I need to not be abandoned, to loved.
I had to deal with so much hurt and pain in my life and it seems like it keeps continuing. I've lived a harder life than most people can comprehend, and I've overcome so much.
The death of my dad, suicidal ideations and suicide attempts in my younger years. My alcoholism, having to rebuild myself several times after incredibly toxic relationships. Losing myself, regaining my identity only to be broken down again, building myself up back stronger than ever. I know who I am, what I like, what I don't like.
People look at me and see me as more than a 25 year old. I'm proud of where I am now, the person I am, but I still need support and it's just disheartening when I don't get it, or when I'm told to find the strength and support within myself, because I know I have it, but sometimes I need a little more.
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