fml

god, my life is so awful. things haven't been the same since my dad died. he was battling cancer for nine months, and died on a hospital bed. he died right in front of my eyes. words cannot express how traumatic that was for a 17 year old. his extremities were blue. his skin was clammy. he was unresponsive. i talked to him on the phone the night before, but i didn't say i loved him or anything. i walked into the hospital room, and the doctors told my family there was nothing more they could do. it was so surreal. it didn't even register in my brain. they took him off life support and i had to stand there as his vitals slowly dropped to zero. i remember crying uncontrollably. a few days later, i had to bury my dad...i have like legit post traumatic stress disorder and i'm depressed all the time. i find myself sitting at home in front of my computer listening to sober music, crying...fml