A Letter to my Dad

Dear Dad,
it's almost been a year and a half since you passed away, yet it feels like it was just yesterday. i still can't get over the fact that you're gone, and maybe i never will. you left so suddenly, and i never got the chance to say goodbye. there's so much that i wanna tell you. i wish you were here right now. there's so much i wanted to do with you. and now i fucking can't. i wish i had spent more time with you. i feel so guilty that i was off doing my own thing and was off in my own little world so wrapped up on my own life. i never really appreciated the time i spent with you while you were alive. and i've been feeling guilty. so god damn guilty. i just want to make you proud of me. i'm trying to hard but i'm struggling so much. everyday it's the same shit. i feel like you set such high expectations for me, and i can't live up to them. i just need you here right now to tell me that everything will be ok. it's not fair that you had to leave. i'm trying to hard to be happy and to live my own life, but it's so difficult. i may tell everyone that i'm fine, but it's just a facade. some things make me happy, but i feel like i'm drowning sometimes. now i'm sitting here, crying, wishing i could see you. i even miss the little things. like how you would fall asleep on the couch while watching tv, your hand resting inside your collared shirt, or even you telling me family stories and always repeating them. it made me so mad at the time, but now i miss them. i even miss you yelling at me for failing to do something. it was you who pushed me to be the overachiever i am today. i fucking miss you more than anything, big guy.

love always,
your son, Mike