Do you care or notice when I don't sleep? Do you see the constant bags under my eyes? How absolutely tired and drained I look? Do you even care that those bad dreams are about you? Or do you just brush everything off in an aloof manner? Or how about the way I sometimes turn my back on you in bed? Do you know that that's intentional?

Do you notice? Can you pick up on my cues or are you oblivious? I'm clearly crying out for your attention, but sometimes you don't even notice.

Or do you notice when I get mad? The way I tense up, or get quiet? Do you even care about me? Do you love me enough to want to take me away from all of my pain and anguish?

You're so selfish sometimes, and I don't think you even notice it. The way you don't text me back as much anymore, the way you scarf down your food and that one time you just reached your fork onto my plate and snatched up my salad.

Do you know that I have food insecurities? Do you know that because I was on food stamps when I was an AmeriCorps that I would sometimes go to bed hungry?

Food is important for me and I feel like you can be selfish with it. Do you really know me that well?

The way that you don't apologize for anything. When you bump into me and I say ouch, the way that you just sometimes do whatever you want and expect me to be okay with it.

The fucking fact that you're always on your phone but get mad at me when I'm on mine? Or when I know you have your phone on you and you just don't text back?

Do you care that I'm always on the precipice of spiraling downward? Do you know that I'm this close to feeling like I want to end my life again?

DO YOU FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME

Do you know that your substance abuse is what can trigger me so hard? Do you even know this? I keep telling you and telling you, but it seems like it's in one ear and out the other with you.

You just choose to not see it as an issue because it's not an issue within yourself. But it's an issue with us. You're causing me pain right in the very moment. But you just choose to ignore it. Like you choose to ignore your emotional problems.

It feels so fucking good to post this right now. Holy shit.