One of the worst things to hear was when I was dating Maital and she said to me "I'm scared of you"

That shit hurt me deeply. That I was a person in her life that she was actually scared of. That she felt like she couldn't talk to me or be herself. That I was so volatile and verbally abusive that she felt scared.

That I lashed out at her and made her feel so shitty about everything about herself. She was scared of me. Am I that scary? I guess I thought about that today when a snap of her and me came across my snapchat story from this time last year.

I'm scary. I scared her. I was a really shitty boyfriend to her and dragged her through the mud any chance I could get. It felt good to just be mean to her sometimes.

Sometimes I just felt like she wasn't a real person because she was so distant and aloof all the time. She didn't get me a lot of the time and I just felt so vindicated because shitty to her. I should have left sooner. I should have gotten out, but I didn't. And that shit hurt me more in the long term.