Sobriety

Sobriety is one of the toughest things I've had to deal with in my life. That constant battle with myself. Having to pump myself up and always remind myself I don't need to hide who I am, hide my problems behind a glass of liquor. I don't need liquor to be courageous, strong, or a more personable person.

It's always tough for me though when someone offers me some and I have the same response. "I'm all set. I'm in recovery."

The look on their face is usually the same - a mixture of shock, pity and discomfort.

But I always love challenging people. Is that weird that I like how uncomfortable people get sometimes?

Alcohol ruined my life in my early to mid 20's. It fucked up my mental health, my physical health. Friends were worried about me. Constantly checking in. Making sure I was still alive.

My sobriety is a constant reminder to myself to be better, to never let me lose myself again. That it's okay to feel and that I should feel all of my emotions and not run away. It's a source of my strength. It's a disease, and that doesn't make me a bad person. And there are going to be days when I struggle more with it than others.

I don't ever want to do that again, or see anyone struggle with that same downward spiral that nearly took my life away from me.